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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
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 Welcome to the writings of students and friends of the Radiance Healing Center. I feel that one of the most important gifts that we can provide is a space for the sharing of honest, creative writing for people who are coming into Consciousness. The spiritual literature is full of B.S. (Belief Systems) about the "right" way to be "spiritual." It is unfortunate that spiritual awakening, which is as natural and organic as physically waking up in the morning, should be so full of dogma. I, myself, long for the simple sharing of experience of what has and has not worked as we individually birth ourselves into the remembering of our divinity. To encourage collective sharing, you are welcome to write on any topic that is expressive of your healing journey. I envision creating a Library of Personal Truth which may even become a book, so know that your submission may eventually be published. We reserve the right to edit and condense so that we can keep every entry as expressive and concise as possible. This compilation is a work in progress ever reflecting our growing maturity, humor, wisdom and overview. We invite you to be one of the recorders/historians of this collective awakening. Send us your offerings by clicking here at wisdom@radiancehealingcenter.org. We are ready to receive your wisdom with tenderness and gratitude.
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| Surrender 1: By Barbara Millikan Surrender. Yeah, right. I see a younger me, age 8, crawling slowly out from under the bed so my father could spank me. I’d crawled under there an hour earlier to keep him from hitting me while I was crying (“Stop that right now, young lady, or I’ll give you something to cry about.”), but now I was doing what he demanded, surrendering, and allowing myself to be hit.
“But I didn’t do any —“ “I said, apologize, and I mean it” “But — “ “Do I have to spank you again?” “no. ‘m’sorry” “What did you say?” “SORRY!” “I don’t believe you. You’re asking for a spanking, you know..” “I’m sorry I shouted at you.” “Good. Now, go tell your mother what you just told me.” Surrender. Fifty years later and the word still makes me want to dig my heels in and grit my teeth. But what if surrendering isn’t to anyone but myself? The Divine in me? I take these grudges, these rages, this clenched butt, this angry child and set them all with great honor on the altar of myself, and love these parts of me. Look at how stubbornly I stuck up for myself, how bravely I held on to my truth, and how grudgingly I surrendered it. I offer it up. All of it, for having served me once, when I could not be myself. I take all my apologies, all my cringes, my embarrassments, my humiliations, and set them there, and say thank you. You served me when I had nothing better. You kept me alive and in touch with my feelings. I honor you. I will no longer judge myself for giving in and betraying my truth. See? I have it here now. It isn’t lost, just misplaced for a decade or three. I am my own person, and I take great joy in that. See what a delight I am? I surrender my unworthiness. Now I can be who I really am, and I choose to step into my Divinity, this place of wholeness, and accept that I am still all these things and so much more. What I surrender is my judgement of myself, the judgement that says I am not good, that I am lacking something, that I am too much to handle. I am a passionate, loving, loud, kind, gentle, fat, difficult, angry, sweet, proud, tender soul, and I am fine just the way I am. All of me. Now. | |||||
| Surrender 2: Blythe On Surrender
Being a true child of my family, I was pretty sure that, A), surrendering meant thanking God-the-Incomprehensible for circumstances and events I didn’t like, and, B), the better I was at this, the more spiritual I was. It was a long time before I began to comprehend that ‘surrendering’ might also be a way to approach good experiences, or that the will of God-the-Incomprehensible might be pleasurable. Now that feels simplistic. These days, I think surrender is that state of being /where/ I am, and of doing /what/ I am doing where neither the past or the future impinge on me. I taste this sometimes when I am doing qigong. At those times I am only myself: body, universe and qi moving together. Then I am surrendered, one with the flow of qi, that flow that is Creator/Creation, that is Love/Lover/Beloved. I am one with what is. Then I fall out of that pure being-ness and make lists, make plans, trip over my feet, tie my life in knots, and so on. Unsurrendered, I grab for control and miss the fluidity of joy. | |||||
 Surrender 3: By Araya Dancing in the Soul's Dark Night, With Blind Eyes Wide Open, Getting Slammed with so much Radiant Light... Our Soul/Body knows and is hoping, To move beyond the lessons of our past, Knowing this journey is not for most to do, But to Trust that this pain won't last. Each breath becomes brand new. Facing these "Monsters" with Uncondional Love Seems to be a Divine key here, We can Accept the Blessings from above, Letting go of both Attachment and Fear. In Awe of our Blueprint and What Really Lights Us Up! Surrendering with Stillness and Laughter, Our Blissful breath fills the endless and overflowing cup. We are born again in a New Radiant Life after... The Dark Night of the Soul. "Perhaps we are Phoenix birds being re-born out of the ashes..the seeds of our painful DarkNight Moments sprout to begin a new life...new breath and we become Radiant Dancing Beings!" | |||||
 Surrender 4: by Brenda Surrendering has layers. I learned that. I thought letting go with such an impressive biblical word "surrender" had to be all or nothing and for all time. I tried and found that I could completely surrender ... for almost a minute and a half, until I took back trying to force and control my life. Then one day I had had enough. For years I became romantically involved with men who weren't emotionally available or capable of making a long-term commitment. My relationships were full of pain. I wanted to get married so I knew I had to do something radically different. One day I decided to pray. "God, I don't know how to pick the right partner, so please, please chose my Divine Beloved for me, and prepare us both for our upcoming union." For five months, I did a great job of meditating on this prayer every morning and surrendering to what God would bring me. But God has a way of being sneaky. Remember the layers? Since things weren't happening in the time frame or in the way that I thought they should, I started to have grave doubts. What if God already presented me with my Divine Beloved and I missed all the clues? What if he had been standing right next to me and I just hadn't gotten it? I lost my complete surrendering and gave way to complete panic! I ammended my prayer, "God, just so I'm sure to know who you've chosen for me, let him somehow present me with a blue rose." Every day I let go of a little more control and surrendered a little more to God loving me. And every day I looked for my blue rose, to no avail. Weeks later I decided that I might be doing something wrong. I had no results. Maybe God didn't like bargains. Maybe the blue rose was getting in my way. I took back my prayer, "God forget this thing, maybe my Divine Beloved is actually inside me. I release you." Layers of surrender. Within a few days, I left an unhealthy relationship, and attended a networking luncheon where Alan Cohen was speaking. He spoke about the power each of us has to bless another human being. It touched me so deeply that when he invited us all to do a blessing exercise I was the first to jump out of my chair. Over 100 people around me scrambled to find a partner. Suddenly everything was quiet and a young blue-eyed man stood in front of me. We joined hands and gazed into each other's eyes. Following the exercise I asked him, "Will you bless me?" For several minutes he silently poured unconditional love and blessings onto me. He then asked, "Will you bless me?" and I returned the love. We didn't say anything else to each other. The exercise ended and we returned to our seats. I was in a daze. In a few minutes the man returned and introduced himself. His last name was Rose! I knew then that God himself had presented me with my blue-eyed Rose. A year later we were married. But that's not the end of the story. Remember the layers? Although the marriage didn't last, I learned so much surrendering to it, and then to the lessons of the divorce, then surrendering my beliefs about marriage, Divine Beloveds, divorce, and myself ... I even learned alot through surrendering how prayers are answered. I once thought that surrendering was a one time activity and that it lasted forever. Where do we learn this stuff? I've discovered that it has more layers than I ever imagined. Now I practice hourly letting go of forcing anything in my life, listening to my impulses, following them, letting love flow. One of these days I'm planning to even surrender surrendering! | |||||
 Surrender 5: Ron SURRENDER..WHAT A WONDERFUL WORD For me, the word Surrender represents just being. And, it represents freedom and rightful place, and rightful place of the mind no longer in control. Takes some getting used to..all the questions come up. Would "I" be mindless...( Maybe that's a good thiing?)..would "I" be able to get anything done...Would "I" be a mindless zombie, folding my clothes with a blank stare...Wait a minute, I do that now...not so bad! I guess that's the miracle of Surrender. We don't really know till we do it. What I know from having allowed myself internal crisis, and then finally just giving it over...stating that "I" can't repeat the same ole gut-wrenching patterns, vowing that this too can change...Then, within a short time, the concerns are gone, and then replaced with inner peace, an apparent sense of inner joy accompanied by an overwhelming sense of gratitude..and I don't mean lip service, but rather, a deep and abiding gratitude....It's not like the past stuff is gone forever, but what a wonderful tool to use when it wants to raise its ugly head. I can't say that joy happens every time...It seems to happen big time when I turn it over after crisis...But I can say that crisis seems to be so much less charged..and I now can just keep coming back to Source..and the stuff gets transmuted...I can't explain how it all works..only to say that giving it all over works. Of course, as the mind is still getting used to all of this, and apparent joy is short-lived (for me)...but a seed gets planted that I now keep coming back to when old models start coming back. I'm more the observer who comes back to source, and watches the dance of the mind quickly disintegrate...So the crap comes back, but I am noticing that it seems to be coming less often, and the fear is greatly diffused...I'm doing it so much now that I'm left with just me, with not much left of the non/me..You know, the one that just wants to cause trouble because it is so unsure about what happens when it is no longer the instructor of this life. I think it's a process by which the mind begins to not feel threatened...realizing that it has an important, and necessary, function without having control...What a break that would be..."Where's the mind?" "Oh, he's on a beach somewhere sipping a mai tai". I wish it were that simple...But, as I've seen less stuff, and more God light, I'm keepin' on keepin' on.. Aloha....Ron | |||||
| Surrender 6: by Pavitra Years ago I had a dream. It was one of those visceral, lucid dreams that when I awoke, I knew I had received some kind of message, some kind of guidance. It was one of those dreams that still teaches me to this day. In the dream, I was lying in my bed, just as I suppose I truly was, lying in my bed. But in the dream, I saw I fern, a big beautiful green and alive fern on the ceiling. As soon as I was aware of the fern, it began to descend upon me. I became more and more frightened the closer it got. It came so near my face, I thought it would suffocate me. When it began to wrap its powerful tendrils around my head, so that my face was in its center, I was so afraid that I was about to die. Yet, I heard it speak to me. "Breathe", it said, "breathe deeply". So I did. I Breathed. The moment I breathed, I found myself above a very ordinary scene. Several friends were gathered in a social atmosphere. Some I recognized, some I didn't, but I found myself drawn down into the scene. The closer I got, the more involved in the scene I got, the more fearful I became . My fear was for no apparent reason, nothing scary was happening, yet fear arose. Once I focused on the fear instead of on the scene, and this was easy, for the fear kept growing to the point that it was difficult to ignore, I heard the word, "Breathe." As soon as I surrendered to the word, and I took in a deep breath, I found myself high above the scene, seeing it in a new perspective. There was nothing enlightening about the new perspective, just that it was no longer frightening, for I was far above it, watching it as though it were a movie. After awhile of watching from this new perspective, I was pulled in, down into the scene again, attracted or repulsed by someone, or something. And again, the more I became a part of the atmosphere, the closer and more I got involved in the scene, the more fear arose. And each time this happened, I heard the fern, calling me to breathe. And with each deep breath, I was pulled upwards to a place that I could still see what was going on, yet I wasn't affected, I wasn't touched by it. I saw the whole thing, but was not drawn into parts. This to me is surrender. To remember my breath. Sometimes it is a simple scene, the story is not so strong, not so enticing, so it is easier to remember my breath. But sometimes, the scene is so intense, so self involving that I forget, I forget to breathe, forget that there are other perspectives. For me, surrendering is recognizing that each moment I do have a choice. I can surrender to the breath, surrender to the moment, or I can continue to engage in the scene. To me, surrender is a gift, a gift I do not always recognize, yet if I am aware enough to know that I am suffering, that I am afraid, then I am also aware enough to know that I have a choice. A choice in the moment, to breathe and allow another perspective. One that allows the whole picture, one that allows me the space to know who and what I am, and who and what I am not. Surrender, I feel, is more simple than I like to imagine. Surrender I think is to allow what is, for even fear can be the greatest teacher, the greatest pointer to our own Divine selves. Whatever is, is showing us the way back home. Recognizing this is truly surrender. | |||||
 Surrender 7: By Home. Surrender Life is so full, so abundant. I have experienced It as a pauper and a victim. I have resented Life’s challenges and seen darkness fill my heart and enshroud the lives of my most beloved friends. I have seen the folly of a life lived in self-pity and have at last arrived at an overview. I now see the virtue of humility and gratitude for life’s grandeur. I see and feel the richness of my breath. I am alive and breathe for the splendor of God’s Holy Gift. For Her beauty, Her splendor, Her majestic radiance, I arise and allow Her will to shine through me. I surrender to the Divine Intention. My heart, my mind, my will and my actions are Her tools, Her body, and Her will. I give this vessel as a servant of Her glory. I thank Her for every breath, every step, and every pulse of my heart. I am enthralled by the rapture of Living. I am ignited by her thundering, fervent Will. She is the Light, the fire, the vastness, the infinite, and the void. Through Her I am granted the gift of Feeling. For Her I grant the experience of Life. With Her I hold the body supreme. In Her I exist. I submit to Thee. I succumb to Thee. I am completely at Peace and at One with Thee. Salam, Home | |||||
Surrender 8:By Micki Surrender. Language defiant, yet we attempt to in-word it. Is-edging ._I_. Accepting Seeing without eyes Knowing without mind Being without birth Unpath It just can't be done... | |||||
 | Surrender 9: By Sandyha Surrender is when I don't do it... when suddenly I run out of things to do. I just give up and ask Existence for help. It feels as if It then "does me" - or I should say that it "undoes me." | ||||
| Healing Journey1: By Edeltraud "A Heart Breaks Open"
I started my healing journey 20 years ago. Asked by my then-teacher what I thought about spirituality, I told him to leave me alone. This was something I was not interested in. He smiled and said, "Okay." He taught me how important it is to be in a body. This was and still is a very difficult task for me. The energy shoots me out of my body. I have to be aware of this body all the time; focusing into my first chakra and into my heart helps. When I came to Maui from Germany, I still was in denial that there was anything like a God or angels or Divine energy in this world. Then I was introduced to a healing energy called Jorei. It got me from the first moment. During the initiation of Jorei I experienced in my heart something like a diamond. Over the years I watched it grow longer and longer. When my heart started to open I heard over and over again: "Listen to your heart!" I started to focus as much and as often as I could into my heart. One time when I flew back from Japan I felt how a huge energy was coming out of my heart. Sitting in the last row in the airplane that energy shot all the way to the front. This lasted during the entire flight. Early in my Jorei-channeling career, my body started to have extreme pain when I channeled energy. I could not channel energy through my hands anymore. So I started to channel the energy through my heart, which was as powerful as through my hands. I started asking people to connect heart to start which started the healing. The first time I did it was on a flight from Maui to Oahu when I met a woman who had broken up with her boyfriend. She [found she] could open her heart and let the love flow again. In this the relationship was ended in love. When I met Gangaji I asked her how to let go of a love I felt so deeply and I was not able to let go of. She asked me to move this love deeper into my heart. In doing so I found myself walking through a gateway and I met the love that does not know any condition. Love never left, and I learned that love cannot be rejected or go away or hurt. Love is the power that created the universe; Love is the power that will remain when this body dies. I personally have to deal with a lot of fear and panic. In this workshop with Gangaji I met the most intense fear I ever experienced. I somehow, through grace, managed to bring this fear into my heart. It turned into bright white light and I knew who I am. I understood too that our heart hurts only when we try to close it. Love is knocking on the closed heart wanting to flow again. In opening the heart the pain stops and the joy of love comes back. Since then all I know is love can heal just everything. I ask so- called entities or dark energy to come into my heart. It always does. Doing this work for some time now I understand and know with no doubt that even so-called evil wants to come back to love. So all I do is invite into my heart what wants to go back to love, so it is received by love. After this I met a very profound teaching. I was giving healing at a health fair in Maui. A woman (she calls herself a shaman) who believes that I am a bad person shot towards me a very dark energy. I saw it coming but I didn't know how to protect myself. Giving a healing the energy field is open so everything can come in. I talked to God asking him to take care of this energy and I went on channeling through my heart. This dark energy hit the center of my heart, burst into white light and intense love. This is how I came to the understanding that I can take just everything into my heart and it will turn it into love. Two years ago I met Donna. To me she is the living proof that no matter what, in the end, love will win. She taught me many things, blessed me with so many gifts and helped me to finally say "yes" to love. I felt the profound change happening to me in just being in her presence and in her love for me and many others. It gave me the confidence to step over my believe that I am a victim and powerless. She guided me into a journey that is not finished yet but gives me a glimpse of what will happen when I am L O V E. These days, when I wake up the first thing I do is go into my heart and feel how it feels. I go into the center and fall deeper and deeper. When I feel pain or worry or joy I go in the center of it and meet deeper dimensions of this miracle called heart. One day the kundalini energy was running through my body very powerfully. I didn't know what to do. My body was shaking and hurting. And then what looked like a pipe from the solar system broke. I guess this was the outlet for too much energy. I was angry at the kundalini and asked it to show me more productive ways to run this energy. A voice came into my mind: "Just take the suffering into your heart." I did so, asking the pain and the suffering that was experienced throughout history from animals, plants and humans and mother earth. It came to me, into my heart. The next thing I knew was that the heart transformed all the pain into love and this love was coming out of my heart and was given back to the ones who were suffering. Dealing with so much energy makes me aware that what I need is grounding. My partner loves me so much and is able to hold and to receive me and the vastness of who I am. She gives me grounding when I am completely gone and has the patience to wait till I am back. | |||||
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“You apologize right now.”
I have a history with this word ‘surrender’, a history of trying to do it, of feeling guilty about not doing it, of misunderstanding it, of using it to escape the possibilities laid before me, and more.
My life's journey is about searching, and discovering, my Self. My road has taken me through my heart, which I realize is what I am all about. Through the action of the White Light within my heart I continually work to heal myself, and from that place I reach out to help others heal. Here is the story of my life as seen from the vantage point of my heart at this time -- February 19, 2006.
